I was a bit scared about getting the general anaesthetic. Its such a weird concept - going to sleep while they poke and prod you and all the while having no knowledge of it. I felt a bit worried as I was wheeled into the operating theatre. Those places just look scary. The anaesthetist put a needle in my arm and told me he was giving me something to relax and that's all I remember until I woke up in recovery.
I had a bit of bleeding last night but not much, and then really almost nothing today. I also have felt no pain at all, apart from a small bit of cramping after I came around. I wonder if the doctor didn't find much stuff in my uterus to scrape out and so it just isn't very painful. I was expecting that I would at least feel sore from the dilation they do to put the camera and then curette in but I can't feel anything out of the ordinary at all.
I will know what they found when I go to see the doctor for follow-up next week.
For the first time in 4 months, I had longer than 6 hours without breastfeeding Zoe. Despite my very dismal milk supply, I had milk leaking all over the bed this morning and into my bra last night. I guess even I leak milk if I skip feeds. I am waiting to see if the operation will have any effect on my milk supply. I am undecided about when to give up the breastfeeding but the plan is to continue as I am until I see the doctor. I will probably slowly start to drop feeds in the hope it will bring on a period over the next few weeks.
Today I'm feeling a bit down. I don't know if its post-op feelings, or that its been grey and rainy all day, or what. We went to view a house for sale near here this morning and it wasn't what we need. I am despairing that we will ever find somewhere to buy that both LH and I are happy with and that is a good place for Zoe to grow up. I am just so weary of traipsing around open houses and never finding something that we can afford that is appropriate. I just feel like giving up.
I am also looking forward to getting my space back once the in-laws leave. I am enjoying their company and they have made my life much easier by looking after Zoe so I could go to the hospital, doctors appointments and the like. But I really feel like I want life to get back to normal so we can have our own routine again. I am also keen to start doing some freelance writing to exercise my brain because I am now really feeling quite bored. I think I can cope with Zoe's schedule and fitting some work in around it, as long as I don't take on too much.
And I still feel lonely. I get the feeling that the mothers in our mothers group could take it or leave it and they all seem to have lots of other things on. I hope it doesn't fall by the wayside because for me its a real lifeline. The group didn't meet this week and I wonder if we are losing impetus because of lack of interest. I need to be more proactive in arranging to meet other mothers but I feel a bit shy and out of my depth. Perhaps I'll get some enthusiasm for it soon.
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