Between cycles

Things are definitely improving on the emotional front. I wouldn't go so far as to say I feel happy but I am at least calm and getting on with life. I had an acupuncture session today - first one since just after transer. It was great - so relaxing that I actually fell asleep. I intend to keep up with it for now, although not as frequently. Its $80 a throw and its hard to justify the cost.

We have also found somewhere else to live so that's a load off our minds. We will move in a couple of weeks, before our frostie cycle starts.

I've been reading a book about infertility called 'Swimming Upstream'. It has been written by an aussie guy who went through multiple IVF cycles and years of TTC with his wife to have their children. It's written from the male point of view but is very relevant to both parties. So much of what he writes is familiar - the temping and charting before getting to the medical stuff, the interuptions to daily life and the effect on your sex life.

One of the key strategies he talks about in surviving the TTC journey is to reduce 'challenges'. That can be anything from minimising the hard stuff like christenings and baby showers, to figuring out how to deal with work and IVF. I am really buying into this idea this year. My aim is not to put too much pressure on myself to act as though life is business as usual during a year when I may well go through 5 stimulated cycles. If I need a day off work, I'm going to take it and if I don't feel like socialising, I'm going to stay home. We just need to survive this journey as best we can.

I have been thinking more and more about how our life might look without children and it is much less scary now. All sorts of novel ideas keep popping into my head. None of them involve work however, so not sure how we will fund these wild and crazy ideas. A friend jokingly asked if we were thinking about climbing Mount Everest if we can't have children. I said don't laugh - those are the lines I've been thinking along!!

Anyway, we are a long way off giving up on the idea of being parents altogether. Lovely husband had his first counselling session yesterday. He was typically male about it - downplayed the usefulness. Seems he spent the time talking to the counsellor about other options post-IVF cycles. Our next shot will be donor eggs and so she gave him names of books to read on it. I am going to let him work out how it might all work. I'm not ready to go there yet.

One of my friends is starting her first IVF cycle to conceive child number two. I am genuinely hoping she succeeds but I am bracing myself for how I am going to feel if she gets pregnant before I do (if I ever do). There's nothing I can really do except be prepared for it to happen. I am sure it will make me sad but I just will need to focus on being happy for her.

She also said that her IVF friends said they had more luck with frozen cycles than freshies. They think it is because their body is less knocked around from the stimulation and egg pick-up. I've wondered about this as well. I am trying hard to keep expectations very low for each cycle now as I don't want to get my hopes up too much.

I am also trying to be more chilled out about approaching each cycle. I should let go of tracking the details and just not think about what is going on - wait to be told what to do next and leave it at that. Knowing myself pretty well, I don't know if that's possible but I am resolved not to obsess so much.

We are of course still going for it the 'natural' way this month. Its day 17 of the cycle and I still haven't ovulated yet. No surprises there - it will probably happen in the next 5 days or so. Sadly, probably when lovely husband is away working during the week. I am trying to project ahead about 2-3 months to take the pressure off each month so I'm not overly thinking about it.