Post-IVF #1 - calm restored

Yesterday I went to see an IVF councellor. It was a good idea - I feel much better after having a good talk to someone who was just there to listen. She asked me what were the main feelings I was having at the moment and I said the over-riding one was frustration - at having to wait until we can start another cycle, at my period for not starting, at our first IVF cycle failure.

She also gave me some good strategies for coping with my emotions - I need to stop myself from getting into a negative thought cycle and learn how to rephrase my negative thoughts. This is really simple and can be applied to anything in life, but like most things, you just need someone to tell you to do it. It basically involves breathing very deeply three times every time the negativity starts to tip you off balance, imagining a big red stop sign, and then reframing the argument in your head. Simple. She also advised setting aside a period of 10 mins or so a day to think about infertility and then switching it off for the rest of the day. I'm still struggling a bit with that one but I'm sure I'll get better.

I've also agreed to join a support class for others who are trying for their first child but have failed one IVF cycle. I think it will be really good to be with other women who are going through the same thing. She also offered a couples Saturday workshop. Lovely husband was predictably appalled at the idea, but said that if I really wanted to do it, he would go along with it. I think the women's group will do for a start, so he's off the hook :-)

And it seems that my period has finally decided to show up. The next bit has a 'too much info' warning attached to it but I make no apologies - I always want to know the extremely small details of other women's experience, so I'm going to assume others do as well.

I don't feel like I've got AF but lots of 'old' blood is coming out in big globs, mixed with Crinone. Its pretty horrible really but I'm just glad its finally started. I'm wondering if it really is fresh blood but just doesn't look it because of being mixed with Crinone. Anyway, there's so much of it that its just got to be AF.

So now we can try an 'au naturale' TTC cycle this month - what a novelty! I am going to be taking temperatures again and peeing on the ovulation predictor sticks so I can monitor when I ovulate. The main reason is so that I can have a bit of an idea of when the next IVF cycle will start. With cycles that range from 29-38 days, the only way of knowing is to monitor my ovulation, which always happens about 111-12 days before AF starts.

Anyway, feeling much calmer today and ready to settle in for the 4-5 week wait until we get started again. The councellor said it will give me a good stretch to practice my relaxation techniques so I'm mentally ready for the next cycle.