Gestational diabetes, or not?

Thanks to everyone for their comments. As always, its really heartening to get encouragement from others who have been there and I feel less alone as a consequence.

I've been on the couch all morning. I called work just after 9 to explain I will be off for the rest of the week. They were fine about it - I shouldn't have worried. I finished off a story I had to do this week and also did an interview and that's it for the rest of the day. I've got a feature story to check through but that can wait.

I got a call from the obstetrician's receptionist this morning to say my glucose challenge test had come back positive. Its not definitive yet for gestational diabetes and I have to do the 2 hour glucose tolerance test to determine it for sure.

But my blood glucose was 8.5 mmol/L so its not looking good.

I just feel so shattered by this result. I was certain it was going to be the bright spot in my week and that I would pass with flying colours at least on that count.

But no, my body seems to be letting me down yet again. I'm just feeling really devastated. I can't understand how someone like me who has never been overweight, has a good diet, plenty of exercise and even now in pregnancy, not over weight, can have a problem like this.

I am hoping the definitive OGTT on Monday will clear me of gestational diabetes but still, this is a real blow to my self esteem and mental state.

To top it off, I wrote a story last week about how women who come up positive on the 1 hour glucose challenge but negative on the OGTT still have an increased risk of cardiovascular disease down the track. Great, fantastic. Can life get any worse?

At least my blood pressure is holding steady at 110/70. My doctor commented I was 'as cool as a cucumber' despite all the morbid talk about premature labour. Let's hope I can at least manage to have the BP stay down.

I just feel such a failure and that my body is really letting me down. I was confronted with these kinds of feelings when we first started IVF but I managed to resolve them. I was just so damn cocky and confident that I would be fine during pregnancy because I was so fit and healthy, but perhaps its not to be.

I am more worried now about the premature labour because the doctor is clearly concerned but I just keep telling myself that we will get to 37 weeks, and I keep telling E3 that he must stay in there too :-)

The prospect of 10 weeks lying on this couch is really daunting but I just need to focus on one day at a time. Perhaps we will have better news on the cervix problem with Friday's ultrasound.