"Your life will never be the same again"

That's what people tell you when you have a baby, and of course it is true. I've been thinking the last few days about just how Zoe's arrival has actually changed our lives.

The most notable thing is of course the loss of freedom. Zoe is sleeping upstairs at the moment but I can't just nip out to the post office or shops for 5 minutes like I used to. Every foray out of the house needs to be planned in advance. And as for me and Lovely Husband going out at night, well it hasn't happened yet. But LH's parents are staying with us for a month at the moment, so we will be able to go out together (alone!) soon.

The lack of sleep is also a big difference, although this has been far less of an issue than I expected. I coped really well with the early days of 3 hourly feeds around the clock and now we are back to 7pm bedtime and one late feed around midnight, with an early rise about 6.30am-7am, I am fine. I still catch a nap sometimes during the day but generally I'm ok but there is this underlying tiredness that will probably not go away for another 2 years or more!

But the biggest change by far is having anther person in our little family. There's just such an enormous sense of this new person and what her life might become. Its a real feeling of endless possibilities of what she might do with her life and with that comes a feeling of being old. It makes me feel that much of the best years of my life are over. The exciting times of finishing school and going out into the world, establishing a career and all those wonderful things are now behind me, but Zoe has all that ahead of her.

I guess that's the way of the world when you have children. It makes you realise how much of your life has passed. I don't mean that in a negative way at all. Its incredibly exciting to think that she has her whole life ahead of her and what she might do with it.

I am also now coming to terms with being a 'housewife'. I don't think it is my life's calling but for now I am happy with how things are. The thing that is hardest for me is the loneliness. I miss the company of the workplace and I haven't get established a network to replace it. Mothers group will help but we are in the early days so still getting to know one another.

I wouldn't swap my life now for anything and I'm getting used to this new reality, but its not something that I've just slipped comfortably into.