The reason its worse than waiting for a pregnancy test is that at least with a negative pregnancy test you can just go back and have another try (usually). But if the results of this biopsy are negative, then I don't know where we go from here. A fourth hysteroscopy? Don't know.
Dr D said we'd have the results by the end of this week. That hasn't happened and I'm not actually surprised. Each other time it took two weeks for the biopsy results to come through. I think they have to culture the cells to work out if there's any inflammation going on, and maybe some PCR as well, so not surprising it takes a while.
I think Dr D must have been thinking of some other test. If I had one criticism of her, its that she can be a bit absent minded with minor details like that. In the grand scheme of things, they don't matter, but they do make a difference to me. Still, only a very minor criticism and we are very happy with the way she's looked after us and as LH says, proof of her expertise is wandering around the house causing havoc now.
And there's another complication to throw into the mix. My plan was to start oestrogen pills for the next frozen cycle before getting the biopsy results so we wouldn't miss another month. But as yet, there's still no sign of AF. I'm now on Day 33 of this cycle. Since being pregnant, I haven't had a cycle go longer than 29 days tops and even before then, 35 days was the longest it ever got.
Through the darkest hours of the past week when I've been thinking about the biopsy results, I started to wonder if AF wasn't coming because I might have developed intrauterine adhesions. This is a condition called Asherman's syndrome and it is mainly caused by having D&C after miscarriage or to get rid of placenta etc. The damage to the uterus causes adhesions to form and the walls stick to each other. After three D&Cs (which is what I've had), about 30% of women develop it. The flow of periods gets less or disappears altogether because the adhesions stop the blood from being released. It seemed unlikely this was the case for me and it occurred to me yesterday that any adhesions would have to block the cervix to stop AF and I'm thinking that DR D would not have been able to get the tiny brush in there to sweep around for the biopsy. So these are the thoughts that have been running through my head.
That only leaves one option - maybe, against all the odds, I'm actually pregnant. I've been telling myself for a week not to be so stupid as to entertain that idea because, apart from anything else, the biopsy would have got rid of any embryo that was in the uterus.
But this morning I did the sums. If I ovulated the weekend before last, that would have been around Day 19 or 20, which I know from experience is about when I ovulate. After fertilisation it takes six days for the embryo to move into the uterus - Day 25 or 26. I had the biopsy on Day 24 so it is in the realms of possibility that any embryo would still have been in the fallopian tube.
So I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up and the whole situation is just too ridiculous to contemplate. I'm not planning to do a pregnancy test until Day 35 or 36 - Monday or Tuesday. I've done them so many times prematurely before, I'm determined to wait it out this time.
Mentally, I've really struggled this week. I've been very grumpy with LH and extremely on edge. But now I've got to some calm place, maybe because I know the biopsy results are another week away. Or maybe because there's just a small, tiny glimmer of hope that the impossible might have happened.
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