Parenting classes

E3 can come out now, because his Mum and Dad have now been shown what to do with him when he arrives :-)

Yesterday we went to an all-day workshop on parenting skills at the hospital where I am going to give birth. I have to say, it was really excellent.

We missed the first session last week on labour and birth - this was session two. There were about 12 couples sitting around in a circle with plenty of bean bags to make the preggie people comfortable. It was led by a midwife who works at the hospital, and she was just great.

We started off with a session on breastfeeding. We first watched two DVDs - one where the baby was so ready for breastfeeding that it was able to crawl up its mother's tummy and move towards one breast and start sucking all on its own! I didn't know that some of them could do that - it was amazing.

But not all babies are that clever. The second DVD showed a woman who was having her third child (so very able to breastfeed) but her baby took a while to figure out how to latch on. That's probably more like what will happen to us.

We then split into groups of women and men to discuss the pros and cons of breastfeeding, respectively. One of the women in the group looked in the NSW health book we had been given, where it said that breastfed babies have higher IQ's than those who aren't. I disputed this on the grounds that as far as I know, there's no scientifically proven evidence that this is true. After all, how on earth would you prove it? There are so many other confounding factors that influence IQ. Some of the mothers didn't look like they believed me so I shut up about it because I didn't want to get into a debate about it.

When we went through all the pros and cons, the midwife did raise the IQ debate and fortunately for me, she said the evidence around that was very questionable. It was based on looking at the IQ of 6 week old babies - how on earth could that be possible? It really annoys me that an information booklet published by the state government has information like this in it, with no references to substantiate the claim.

Anyway, her explanation of that and everything else we discussed was very practical, measured and balanced, which is why I enjoyed the day so much. I think there can be a real tendency of 'baby' experts to feed new mothers a whole load of rubbish designed to make them feel guilty that has no basis in fact or everyday reality, and I certainly didn't get this impression from this woman.

For instance, the issue of drinking alcohol when breastfeeding came up. Instead of telling us not to do it, she explained how we can work out how much is ok. She said basically if we considered ourselves safe to drive, we would be safe to breastfeed. This is working on the theory that alcohol goes into, and clears, the bloodstream and breast milk at about the same rate. Most people are aware of the drinking and driving guidelines so it was a really practical explanation.

She also drew a graph to show how prolactin, and therefore breast milk production changes over a 24 hour period. It is highest at night when sleeping and lowest in the late afternoon. So the stategy is to express a feed after the early morning breastfeed (about 9am) and then the father (or someone else) can feed this one to the baby at about 10pm while the mother sleeps. We will definitely be giving this a try.

The other thing that was really excellent was how she involved the fathers in everything she talked about. She told them what they will be doing after the birth as though it is their role, and not just some optional things they might consider doing to help out. The tone was very much, 'here's what the Mums do and here's what the Dad's do'.

In our case, it will be LH's job to take E3 back to our room when I am in recovery. Unfortunately this hospital doesn't let babies into surgical recovery because it is a general surgical area, not one specifically for birth.

So LH will need to be wearing a button up shirt so he can undo it for E3 to have skin-to-skin contact while they are waiting for me to come back.

The midwife also directed all of the information about the first poo of the lovely black meconium to the fathers, since she said they will be dealing with that. Note, not 'might like to help out with' but 'will be' doing it - hurray!! Can't say I envy LH that one!

Then we went down to the maternity unit and watched the midwife give a demo of how to bath a newborn baby. She 'borrowed' a four day old baby from its mother. That was the second thing that was really good about the day - everything was demonstrated, rather than information just given as a lecture. Its a much better way to learn.

The little baby was so sweet and it really calmed down when she put it in the bath. Once again, she directed her comments at the fathers, saying this was one of their jobs.

She also showed us how to wrap the baby to keep it calm and we practiced on dolls to get it right. So LH now believes that swaddling is a legitimate way of calming the baby. Before now, he was convinced it was some kind of hippy dippy technique I had picked up from a book, that was actually cruel, rather than a way of calming babies that has been used for hundreds of years!

The newborn really did stop crying as soon as he was wrapped up tight so LH was at last convinced.

After lunch, we were shown a DVD about Dads parenting. It was all about settling babies and what works but all of the people in it were the Dads. The midwife said it was important to realise that mothers and fathers would hold the baby differently and also use different settling methods. She said this is a really good thing, and mothers shouldn't criticise fathers for doing things for the baby differently.

I think this is important because I've seen some of my friends criticise their partners when they try to help with the baby. Its a wonder they helped at all, what with the way some of them spoke to the poor father.

We had a discussion about all the ways to settle a baby and then moved on to what happens in the hospital for the first 5 days post-natally. We had a chart on how the mother feels each day, how the baby feels, how many pooey and wet nappies there are each day, and how many breastfeeds on each day.

The so-called 'feeding frenzy'or cluster feeding (ie. about 12 feeds) on day 3 will be quite a challenge. But its good to know what to expect ahead of time. She also told us that it might feel like people are telling us different things, but in fact this is because the advice does need to be different each day post-natally.

We finished up talking about how to avoid SIDS, what equipment to get, and how and from whom to get help. I had already considered a lactation consultant if we have issues, but we could also consider a mothercraft nurse who will come in for a few hours on a couple of days a week to give us a break.

With no parents or family around at all, this might be a good option for us.

So we are now feeling more confident and excited about the arrival of E3. LH in particular said he feels less nervous about how it will all go post-birth. I certainly feel more positive about the hospital and staff now too.