Zoe's first day

I'm between feeds at the moment, and keen to document the rest of our experience over the last week. I've just updated my ticker. It was a bit weird having one that said 'I am still putting on fat and have 18 days to go!!'. I thought the baby elephants were the least nauseating ticker among the kittens and rabbits etc.

After Zoe was born, her and her Dad went up to the post-natal ward. I stayed in the operating theatre to be stitched. It was all quite straightforward and I had a chat to the docs about work etc. Then it was off to recovery to be monitored. I don't know how long I was there but somewhere between 30 mins and an hour.

It was the strangest sensation to be lying there and having my brain ask my toes to wriggle but them not obeying. That's what it must be like to be a para- or quadriplegic. Slowly the feeling started to come back into my legs with a pins and needles feeling. I kept the spinal epidural in for pain relief. I think they had pethidine in it. I was given a button to push for pain relief. It had a 20 min lock-out to prevent me overdosing.

Then it was back up to the ward to see my little girl. LH was holding her and she was asleep when we arrived. I asked why he hadn't done the skin-t0-skin contact and he said the nurses said it would be too cold. There was plenty of time for that in the following days so I don't think it mattered.

So to my little girl. I make no apologies for the complete and utter bias (and boringness!) of the following description :-)

She's a little angel. She's got a big mop of dark brown hair that literally feels like soft velvet to touch. Everyone was commenting on the hair. I guess most babies are baldies so one with a full head of hair is sort of a novelty. I was also born with a big shock of almost black hair so she looks very similar to me as a baby.

She has a tiny little face with blue eyes. The colour may or may not change over time. I have blue eyes, as does everyone in my family. LH has brown eyes but his mother's are green, so there's a small chance she will keep her blue eyes.

When she opens her eyes and looks at you, it is just the most amazing thing in the world. LH and I just spent hours that first day staring at her. We just never got bored of it. Unfortunately, she didn't open her eyes very much on that first day but more of that later.

A midwife came in to help me with the first breastfeed. I wasn't allowed out of bed at all in the first 24 hours so I needed quite a bit of help. She managed to position Zoe on my chest and held my breast so the nipple was pointing at her mouth and managed to get it in. Amazingly, the little one started sucking it as if she'd been doing it for years. That instinct to feed is just so strong. I had been worried about whether she would manage this because she was premature, but at least for that first feed, there was no problem.

Then she went to sleep in her bed right next to mine, and slept, and slept, and slept....
I knew that newborns could be quite sleepy on their first day so I wasn't overly worried. I tried again about midday to feed her and she had a quick suck but nothing substantial. We had lots of cuddles with skin-to-skin contact, which was lovely.

I was feeling fine but with a raging thirst the likes of which I've never felt before. It was incredible. The amount of urine that was flowing out of my catheter and into the bag was pretty incredible as well. It was just an enormous volume and it kept the middies busy emptying and measuring it all day.

I've decided that urinary catheters are quite good, once you get over the ikk factor. You can't feel them at all, and you never feel the need to go to the loo. I kept it in for 24 hours before they wanted me to start doing it for myself :-)

About 7 pm in the evening when the nurse shift changed over, a middie came in to ask how many times Zoe had fed that day. I said just after birth but nothing really since then. She looked quite worried when she realised that Zoe hadn't eaten since 4 am. She immediately went off to the Special Care Nursery (SCN) to ask for their advice.

She came back with the bad news that Zoe would have to be admitted to the SCN right away. In fact the midwife on duty there said she had been expecting her since birth. It turned out they had made the call to give her the benefit of the doubt since she had done so well since birth (no breathing issues) and had breastfed straight away.

Needless to say, I was utterly devastated. I'd been feeling euphoric during the day that everything had turned out so well and our complications were over, and this news hit me like a ton of bricks. Lovely husband went around to the SCN with her.

When he came back, he explained they had put a feeding tube in her nose so she could be fed directly into her stomach. This would allow her to get formula and not dehydrate. They explained that I could do the feeding in the nursery and then bring her back to the room once I was mobile again.

That night was very sad, not having here there with us but at least my worry about her not feeding, which had been growing through the day, was now being dealt with. The most important thing was her health so I kept that in my head, but it was really sad. We could hear all the other little babies screaming in the rooms around us and I just wished that Zoe was doing that as well, instead of this constant peaceful but worrying sleeping.

The next morning a midwife took out my catheter and organised a drip stand for my epidural. I was still on the pethidine shots on a regular basis. The pain wasn't too bad but I really noticed it when I didn't push the button regularly.

I was to go to the nursery to see Zoe in a wheelchair but first I needed to get out of bed. Boy was that a shock. My blood pressure, which had been hovering around 90/60 took a huge plunge as soon as I stood up. I was holding the nurse but my legs just folded and I very nearly fainted. I waited a bit and had a second try. This time was better but I still felt incredibly dizzy. It took three goes to get upright.

As I moved my feet, the blood gradually recirculated around my body and I felt ok about walking. Lovely husband helped me to have a quick shower, which was great. My blood loss wasn't too bad that first day, and so it continued for the rest of the week. It has been no more than like a typical day of a normal flow during a period.

Next it was off to the nursery in the wheelchair with epidural in tow to see Zoe.

Next post - the Special Care Nursery.