Day 5, frozen cycle #4

Well things are ticking along ok for the fourth frostie cycle. I am mainly trying not to think about it. Every time it pops into my head, I just push it out and think about something else. I know all my mental energy will go on the two week wait so I feel like I need to preserve some of it for then.

Today I was cleaning up Zoe's car capsule, which has been mouldering away in the shed (literally!) since we moved. I was wondering if it will ever hold another of our own babies. I set the straps on the smallest baby setting after washing all the bits, thinking that even if we don't use it, hopefully someone else will.

I'm feeling like its going to be a long haul getting through these next two cycles (assuming there are two). I still also feel a bit like we are going through the motions and it will all be for naught. And some of the inconveniences that haven't bothered me until now seem more of a hassle. Like the thought of potentially another four weeks of progesterone pessaries. I've taken them uncomplainingly so far but its a hassle if its all for nothing. And I'll more than likely have to take a day off work this time for the transfer, which isn't great since I only work two days a week.

Anyway, I know this is all just pointless and self-indulgent whingeing and if we do get pregnant, all of it won't matter. But I can't help but feel we'll run out of luck this time.