Day 30 frozen cycle - 'One day at a time'

Today is Day 30 of our first frozen cycle, Day 12 after ovulation and Day 7 after transfer. We have now lived through 6 days of our TWW and 5 days to go.

The only way to cope with this is to just live one day at a time. I am trying hard to focus on the locked box with the dice in it. It's still locked and we still don't know what number is on the dice. I try to think of it every time my thoughts go down the road of a positive test, or a negative one.

It has taken on its own shape and structure now. Maybe I need visuals to latch onto because I'm a visual learner. Our locked box has pink fur on the outside, is about the size of one of those old music boxes we used to have when I was a little girl. But without the twirling ballerina that pops up when you open the lid.

As for how I am feeling physically - absolutely normal. I am still taking the progesterone suppositories every night but so far there is no sign of the dreaded spotting whatsoever. On our first cycle, it started 5 days before the beta test (so the equivalent of today) and on our second cycle the spotting started 4 days before the test.

But I am trying very hard not to be optimistic about this because the progesterone suppositories are very likely to delay the start of AF. That was also true of the Crinone I used in the first cycle, but I think it is capable of causing spotting that's not related to AF.

One thing did happen this morning though, that I am trying to shelve as just a 'random' happening. I went for my usual morning walk and when I got back I was sitting down relaxing with a glass of water. I stood up and walked into the kitchen when I was suddenly overcome with a really strong feeling of nausea. It was awful - I felt like throwing up and I was really dizzy. I sat down and it passed quickly and now I feel completely fine.

I just really, really don't want to start thinking this is a good sign. It could be due to all sorts of things - maybe I was dehydrated (its quite hot outside), maybe I was hungry and just in need of breakfast, or something completely unrelated.

Our game plan for Thursday (D day - beta test) is that I will give the nurses our home number to call with the result. They will call some time in the afternoon when I am still at work and leave a message. Lovely husband will come home on Thurs night from Canberra and I plan on waiting until I know he is on the way before I go home. Then we can listen to the answer machine message together and know that no matter what the news is, we don't have to face the world at least until Friday.

Time ticks by ever so slowly in this TWW.