Day 31 frozen cycle - its (almost) all over

We've fallen off the cliff again. Yesterday, not long after I posted my reasonably optimistic post, I noticed I had a tiny bit of spotting. As far as we are concerned, all bets are off now. I spotted at Day 6 or 7 in the last two failed cycles so its all over I think.

The spotting continued today although it is very, very light. I called the nurses yesterday, and my pregnancy test has been brought forward to tomorrow. That will at least put us out of our agony sooner than if we'd had to wait until Thursday.

I am just not entertaining any thoughts that it might be positive. There's no reason to go down that road. All the same, its not over until its over and I just want the result now.

I feel that we are hanging by a thread near the bottom of the cliff and I just want someone to cut it so we can finish the plummet to the bottom and get it over and done with. I think that at least there won't be so many broken bones this time. We've prepared ourselves well for failure after the devastation of the last cycle.

We are doing ok so far, just trying to keep busy. The only way I can function at the moment is to just think about today and nothing else. I'm focussing on what will happen today and any thoughts of tomorrow, next week, next month or next year are just off-limits. Its the only way I can cope.

I think I've passed through the first two stages of grief - the numbness came first yesterday afternoon, then the denial, and now I'm in the angry stage. I don't know who or what I am angry at, but that's the overriding feeling at the moment. Hopefully I'll move onto acceptance pretty quickly tomorrow once I get the test result.

Once again, I ask myself - why, why, why do we have to live through this nightmare and others don't?