Day 32 frozen cycle - I was wrong - BFP!!!!!!

I guess I spoke too soon yesterday. I had my beta test this morning, two days early on account of the spotting, and it was positive!! I . am . pregnant. I just can't believe it.

I've spent most of the day thinking that there's been a mix-up and I got someone else's results. But I came home tonight and did a home pregnancy test, partly because I've never had a positive one before and I wanted to see what it was like, and partly to confirm the result.

It was a strong positive within seconds! It's a measure of how stunned I am that I am finding it hard for the news to sink in. Lovely husband and I had convinced ourselves that it was definitely all over this cycle and we were wrong! I just can't describe how happy and relieved I am feeling.

Of course, we have a long, long way to go. There's still a very high chance of miscarriage at my age so we might be back on the IVF cycles again before we are done, but today, I'm just enjoying the feeling of a BFP.

I just feel so grateful and so lucky to have finally achieved a positive. I really had started to think that we never would.

As for the hormone levels, the bHCG was 172, which Dr D said was particularly impressive considering it was 2 days before the recommended test date. And my progesterone levels were 90, which is also good. The nurse said I can finish off my progesterone pessaries and then stop them. I am a little worried it may all come to an end if I pull out the 'progesterone rug' from under my feet but she reassured me that my body is making the progesterone it needs now so it will be fine.

When Dr D called with the news, I just kept saying that I couldn't believe it. I still can't. At some stage it will sink in, perhaps in a few days.

To use the cliff metaphor from yesterday, its as if someone pulled us back up to the top of the cliff by the thread we were hanging by, and now we are comfortably peering over the edge but not sure if we will fall down again or not.

The other thing is that I feel completely, and utterly, physically normal. I expected I would 'know' when I finally became pregnant but I don't feel anything at all. It will be reassuring to feel some symptoms. Hopefully they aren't far away.

Anyway, our next step is the 7 week ultrasound. Our clinic don't measure BHCG levels to check doubling. I guess there's no point since there isn't anything can be done about it. As for the spotting, Dr D said she didn't know what it meant but expected it was old blood. She said it is very common in early pregnancy and there's nothing I can do about it, just watch it and let her know if it becomes fresh or heavier.

She said I need to decide where I'm going to have the baby, and also which obstetrician we will use. We honestly haven't given this any thought whatsoever. I told her we would probably go to RPA, since it is a big hospital with a maternity unit just down the road. As for the obstetrician, she said its like choosing a hairdresser. They are all perfectly competent so it just comes down to the right personality fit. I don't know how we will manage that one but something to think about over the coming weeks.

The clinic also run an early pregnancy night every month so I will definitely go along to that to find out what I do next! Its all so unknown and new and I really had not planned anything beyond the positive test.

On a sad note, I got a text from my friend to say there was no heartbeat for her 7 week ultrasound today. It made me really sad. This is her third miscarriage in the last 6 months. She was happy for my news but it does make me realise that we have a long way to go before we are in the clear.

Anyway, I will go to sleep tonight much happier than for a very long time. Even if we lose them or it (no idea if I am carrying twins or one baby!) in the coming weeks, at least I know we can get implantation to happen, so it's another hurdle overcome.