The last time

This morning I had my embryo transfer, my sixth, and almost certainly my last. When I got to the clinic, the embryologist came in for a chat. The news was good and bad.

The bad news was that they thawed our second last embryo last night but this morning found that it was dead. So they then thawed our last remaining embryo this morning, which by the time it was transferred was doing really nicely. In the words of the embryologist, it was 'perfect'. One hundred percent of its cells had survived the thaw and the 'cavity' was starting to expand. That's really as positive a comment we've had from the embryologist, so it's good news.

The transfer itself wasn't altogether straightforward. The doctor, not my usual one, who is on holidays, struggled to get the catheter past my cervix and into the uterus. We thought it was weird because I've had so much surgery that my cervix should be pretty loose by now. It took so long to get the catheter in that the embryologist had to put the embryo back in the incubator while she waited.

But finally the doctor did get the catheter into my uterus, and the embryo with it. Once again I had no cramping, no pain and no bleeding so it all seems good. I had before and after acupuncture sessions, which as ever helped me to relax.

So here we are again in the final two week wait. I feel slightly optimistic because the embryo looked so nice, but also a bit sad that we are nearly at the end of the road with IVF and baby number two. I still feel there's no future in doing another stimulated cycle if this one fails, but never say never. Maybe we will feel differently if that happens.

I also hope all is ok with my endometrial lining but really there's nothing more we can do on that front. I'm going to make a big effort to maintain a sense of 'zen' during the next 11 days if I can. But the stakes are much more loaded this time because its our last chance.