"They think its all over - it is now"

Today I got the results of the pregnancy test for this last cycle - it was negative. So I think, but am not yet prepared to state categorically, that this is the end of the IVF road for us.

My plan this morning was to get up at 6am and pee on a stick, then lovely husband would call to see what the result was. As it worked out, I woke up at 2am dying to go to the loo so I just did it then, and it was negative. I had primed myself so well for it being negative, that it didn't hit me too hard. But of course I then couldn't sleep so I only managed a few hours and then LH rang from Chicago.

I think he took it pretty hard, or so it seemed down the phone line. He always copes with IVF cycles by assuming the worst but this time I think his tactic didn't work.

So then I got Zoe up, got us both dressed and fed and off we went to the clinic. It was weird looking around thinking that this would probably be the last time I go in there. At 11.30 the call came through from the nurse to say it was negative and then Dr D rang this afternoon. She asked what did we want to do next?

I said we almost certainly will stop IVF now but I said we'd need to talk it over in the next few days and decide for sure. She asked as a matter of form, I guess, did we want to look at donor eggs. But that's never been part of our plan for baby number two although it was on the cards if we failed IVF first time around. So she has logged a treatment plan for us to do another cycle if we want, but the ball is in our court now.

So how am I feeling? Well sad obviously but I think the feeling of relief is a bit stronger actually. I'm wondering if the reality hasn't hit me yet and maybe I've got a tough few weeks and months ahead. I suspect we will never completely get over the disappointment of not being able to have more children. But as I keep reminding myself (and so does everyone else!), at least we have a beautiful daughter and some who tread this IVF road never achieve that.

I'll keep blogging for a while to work my way through this stuff but I think we are nearly at the end of the road. More in the coming days....